What to do if Your Wife or Husband Cheats on You
Relationships are tough and there is a lot of give and take in order for them to be successful. When both partners aren’t willing to work through the difficult times, unfortunately, it is likely that their marriage will fail one way or another. A common problem we see in one-sided relationships like these is infidelity.
Finding out that your husband or wife has cheated on you can be one of the most painful things to go through in a relationship. Infidelity can hit you like a ton of bricks and if you are going through this, chances are you aren’t thinking straight. If you just found out that your spouse is cheating on you, your initial reaction will most likely be driven purely by emotion, and that isn’t exactly the best thing. There are a number of things to consider when dealing with an affair, here are just a few of our top recommendations.
Let Your Emotions Run Their Course Before Confronting Your Spouse
When you first find out that your spouse is cheating on you, you are going to be filled with a variety of emotions. It is important that you work through those emotions before approaching your spouse and exposing their secret. If you ultimately want to try to save your marriage, you want to approach this with a level head. If you want to get a divorce, you will be much more successful throughout the process if you keep your emotions from getting the best of you. It is in your greatest interest to work through your emotions before confronting your spouse or making any major decisions.
Don’t Seek Revenge
You’ve heard the old saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” and it’s true. Getting back at your spouse after an affair isn’t going to change anything that happened. Your spouse cheated on you and approaching it with hate and anger won’t help your cause, or your health for that matter. If you cool off and decide you want to work on things down the road, you definitely don’t want to push your spouse even further away by seeking revenge when you first find out about the affair.
Build a Support System
You should not go through something like this alone. It is so important for you to reach out to your closest friends and family so you have people to talk to and help guide you through this difficult time. Keep in mind that you don’t want to badmouth your spouse to anyone and everyone - pick just a few of your most trusted confidants to talk to about the details of what you are going through. If you do end up working to save your marriage, you don’t want everyone knowing about the bad things you said about them during this time, that could come back to haunt you later.
Don’t Compare
Marriages are unique and even when there are similarities, it doesn’t mean things will pan out the same way as they did in another marriage. Focus on your relationship and don’t consider what other people went through and how their situation ended up - none of those things are a reflection of what will happen in your life. You need to come up with a plan based on your marriage and your relationship with your spouse, nothing else.
Take Care of Your Emotional and Physical Needs
You are going through a lot and it is okay to be emotional, but you do not want your emotions to get the best of you and cause your health to decline. Make sure you are still eating healthy, getting exercise, and taking care of your obligations. These things will make you feel good and will help reduce stress so that you are better equipped to deal with this difficult time. We recommend that you see a therapist that can give you neutral advice so you can see things clearly. A good therapist can help you come up with a plan that makes sense for your situation.
Consult With a Divorce Attorney
Regardless of whether you want a divorce or you prefer to work on your marriage, you should consult with a divorce attorney to better understand your options. If your spouse is cheating on you, it is incredibly important to understand your legal rights and learn how to protect yourself and your marital assets in case the affair ends your marriage. Remember, just because you think you and your spouse can work on this marriage doesn’t mean your spouse wants the same thing. Be smart and consult an attorney before confronting her.
Make Your Decision
After going through all of the above tips, now it is time to make your decision - do you want to work on your marriage or is it time for divorce? This is your choice and you have options. Do not let your spouse control how you deal with their bad behavior. Ultimately, this is something you need to decide if you can move past or not. Don’t let outside influences affect your decision, you are the one that will have to live with it.
If you are in the unfortunate circumstance where your spouse has cheated on you and you have to figure out whether you want to stay in the relationship or move on, we feel for you. This is an incredibly difficult thing to go through and though it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is over, you will have a rough road ahead of you. It is possible to save your relationship, but both parties need to be willing to put in the work to move past this.
As Family Law Specialists, we have seen it all. We have years of experience dealing with a variety of family law issues, like infidelity and divorce, and we would love to talk with you to help you better understand your next steps. If you think your spouse is cheating on you, contact our team. We would be happy to set up a free, confidential meeting to learn more about your situation and figure out how we can help.