Are You at Risk for Gray Divorce?
It has been referred to as gray divorce, a silver splitter, or even a diamond splitter. But no matter the color you see it as, they all refer to the same thing. A gray divorce is a divorce or separation between a married couple at an older age, generally considered past the age of 50. The current demographic being observed are the marriages of baby boomers or marriages between people born in the late 1940s to the early 1960s.
Divorce becomes an option for married couples for many factors, all with individual reasoning. However, there is a growing trend of the “gray divorce revolution” that has come with a variety of social and cultural influences and tells. Silver splitters have nearly doubled in occurrence since the 1990s and tripled for those aged 65 and older. Meanwhile, the divorce rate among those under the age of 50 is on the decline, with very contrasting generational and social factors playing into the longevity of marriage, and the differing expectations that come with entering a marriage.
WHY ARE GRAY DIVORCES TRENDING
One big reason why the gray divorce rate is trending and becoming more common is that life expectancies have increased. Baby boomers are the first generation to get to see that the projected life longevity means that there is an extended period of time where the quality of life can be improved or maintained. There is suddenly this extra lifetime where people get to experience, explore, indulge in, or find what makes them happy, and potentially the marriage they have been in for the past years is no longer a source for that happiness or never was. Let alone that it is the sense of comfort that would encourage personal discovery and growth at this time of their life.
Another reason for an increase in divorce is a reduced stigma of divorce that did not exist earlier on in the lives of the baby boomer generation. Divorce used to be considered taboo, with major social and religious implications around it. However, the conversation and the actual process of divorce has become more normalized and destigmatized making even the thought of divorce more plausible.
Baby boomers may take to heart the more accepting attitudes of contemporary culture. Now that divorce is actually a possibility without the social rejection, baby boomers finally have access to information about divorce, the logistics, what it means emotionally and legally, and therefore the power to determine if divorce is right for them.
Baby boomers who are at risk of a gray divorce may also potentially be on their second marriage. While divorce was not as common among younger married couples in the baby boomer generation those who are on their second marriage may be experiencing a greater risk of a second divorce. According to PEW Research Center, in 2015, among adults aged 50 and older, 48% of those who went through a divorce were in their second marriage.
Divorce rates among second marriages, or any marriage following the first, tend to be higher than those of first marriages for a variety of reasons. The conflicts of the first marriage may find space to enter a second marriage, especially if those conflicts have not been fully understood or internalized since the end of the first marriage. Mistakes made in a first marriage are at risk of being repeated in a second marriage if there has not been much time between the two. There is also a greater sense of familiarity around divorce, with warning signs being more recognizable for someone who has gone through it before. Being proactive to help nurture and avoid maximum emotional hardship through a second divorce may bring on a separation earlier on in the following marriages.
The familial aspect of a new marriage can also bring tensions. Adult children from a previous marriage may cause tensions between a wedded couple, and not having children in the new marriage deprives it of a certain glue that often helps keep families together, at least for longer than not at all. Marriages that are not the first one, whether it involves children or not, can become more complicated or more difficult to manage because there are more people involved, more people, and family members to weave into a new lifestyle, which can cause complications between a married couple.
Gray divorces are also susceptible to struggles with financial management, especially when there are differences between approaches and expectations within financial management. Men and women tend to vary in how they manage their finances and assets, and this can be a major source of tension in a marriage and subsequent gray divorce.
Life also just happens. After 50 plus years of life as an individual, and as a married spouse, more life has happened than those under the age of 50 can speak to. In long-term marriages, people may experience themselves growing apart from one another. They may find that themselves, their partner, or both of them have changed. Whether those changes have contributed to a new outlook on life, and new identity, or a new sense of what they want of life, the changes both have experienced may de extremely different from one another. Because divorce is now more accessible, it may seem like the right option for their marriage, so that both partners involved have the time alone to rediscover themselves.
If the marriage grew into a family, this is the age range where many parents become empty nesters, and with no children to look after anymore, and extra time on their hands, they come to reconsider their lifestyles. Oftentimes, married spouses have to rediscover one another, and themselves after such a large part of their lives leaves for adulthood, or their lives change dramatically. For some, it may be seen as an opportunity to rediscover another life for themselves. For others, it may lead them to feel confused and distant, finding that they don’t know their partner or themselves anymore.
Individuality is also a risk factor of gray divorce among the baby boomer generation. The extremely individualistic personalities many baby boomers identify with puts infidelity as a potential risk factor in a gray divorce. With aging may come greater attraction for younger people that can put at risk loyalty to one another. There's an element of experimentation that comes with the age and individualistic approach to life that baby boomers often exhibit. Such individualistic personality traits may also be exhibited through addictions to activities and substances like gambling, alcohol, or drugs. This may put a major strain on the marriage. With the exciting new opportunities that a longer life may provide, these kinds of tensions may put marriages at risk of divorce if the emotional, financial, and personal well-being of both partners in the marriage are being worn down.
RISKS AND IMPLICATIONS OF A GRAY DIVORCE
Two of the greatest implications and complications that come about in a gray divorce are financial insecurity and the risk of living alone at an older age. While these are implications in divorce for couples under the age of 50 as well, they hold a different weight and differing elements due to the age of the divorcees.
Financial insecurity is a possible implication for any divorce. However, given the nature of the ages involved in a gray divorce, the financial instability that a partner may experience after a divorce may come with greater consequences. If a spouse has exited, or dramatically decreased their time in the workforce during the marriage in respect to the expectations of the marriage, like to help take care of the household or family, they may face major financial difficulties when attempting to establish independence.
Being older, particularly over the age of 50, can make finding a job feel extra difficult or near impossible. This kind of stressor can be extremely daunting. Being unable to establish financial independence can disrupt your lifestyle habits, may make it difficult to accommodate medical bills, or may add to the struggle of finding housing post-separation. You will be forced to adapt at an age that may come with more physical and mental inflexibilities.
Living alone is also a greater challenge for many at this age. Your expectations for a certain household may require living with a partner. You may have certain needs that may be difficult to accommodate for when living alone, especially those considering medical implications. Regular chores come with an added risk when you live alone over the age of 50 that you may have not considered as a risk before when you had a roommate, such as using a ladder to change a lightbulb or leaving the window open at night to let a draft come through the house. Suddenly, there is an extra element of risk because any consequences that may follow must be combatted alone.
Though gray divorce generally brings very similar implications as divorce among couples and families under the age of 50, certain tensions or difficulties may arise. Children from the marriage may find it difficult to adjust to the new dating lives of their parents, or new families their parents may start after the divorce. Dividing assets and properties also have more complexities with divorces occurring in this age range, as there may be more of them to consider when dividing them up. Such considerations in a gray divorce include life insurance policies, Social Security benefits, investments, and retirement benefits.
No matter the age, getting separated or divorced means there will be change, adjustments, discomfort, and liberation. While it is scary and can be sad, it is also the start of a new chapter. We are here to help you through this process. Contact us with any of your questions and needs if you and your partner are looking into a potential separation or divorce.