Conflict Resolution Strategies for Married Couples
Arguments and conflicts in marriage are quite normal for relationships, especially long-term married couples. Many common conflicts include arguments over money, intimacy, or communication. Conflict-free marriages simply don't exist. Experts even say that arguing can be healthy, as long as they are managed in a healthy and civil way.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, fighting with your spouse can be very toxic. Unhealthy arguments typically result in a fight or flight response. They can also result in one partner “giving in, or even the silent treatment” in order to avoid an issue. Neither of these outcomes is healthy if you're seeking long-lasting marriage. Marital conflicts can lead to grudges, resentment, and ultimately divorce.
If you find yourself fighting with your spouse again and again with no end in sight, it might be time to consider a few conflict resolution techniques. Conflict in marriage is common, even with happy marriages and fortunately, there are healthy relationship conflict resolution techniques. These strategies can help calm the stormy waters so you can begin to approach your arguments in a more level-headed way. Putting in the proper time for resolution in marriage will go a long way to taking care of the one you love and marital satisfaction.
6 Strategies and Techniques for Marriage Conflict Resolution
TECHNIQUE #1: LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO
This technique requires the couple to work on reactiveness and patience. If your spouse does something that irritates you, give yourself time and think, “Is this worth a blowout, can we find common ground?” We're all human, and sometimes our partners can do things that unconsciously strike our nerves. This simple but effective technique is a great starting point to practicing conflict resolution. Minimize your arguments by pausing, taking a breath, and simply asking yourself if it's worth arguing over. You might surprise yourself when you find that most of the small things are worth letting go of.
TECHNIQUE #2: FOCUS ON THE ISSUE AT HAND
Focus on the Family published an article with 8 strategies for resolving conflicts in your marriage. One of their strategies is to focus on the issue at hand. Have you ever entered a debate or argument with your spouse over one problem, only to find yourselves tail spinning into several more? If you enter a fight with your partner, do your best to stick to the original problem. Avoid bringing up past arguments or resentments.
TECHNIQUE #3: IDENTIFY THE CORE ISSUES
Another technique we liked from Focus on the Family was to identify what is at the root of each person's conflicts. Unrelated issues often pop up, but spouses must ask themselves what the underlying issue is. Is there an issue under the surface that “inspired” the argument? Oftentimes, there is. Fixing these underlying issues can take a lot of weight off your shoulders and prevent future fights.
TECHNIQUE #4: LEVEL YOUR HEAD
The last thing you need in an argument is a brawl or screaming war. Don’t yell or berate your partner. This means that by no means should you say anything that you know will cause them additional pain. In intimate relationships, it’s common to punch “below the belt,” in an argument and say things you’ll regret later. If you need to take a moment to leave the room and take a breath, do so. It’s okay to let the steam cool off before sitting down to have a discussion with your partner.
TECHNIQUE #5: TAKE TURNS GETTING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OUT
If you’re in a conflict with your spouse, it's important that each of you feel heard. Sit down in a quiet, comfortable space and give each other the mic. While your spouse is talking, let him or she speak without any interruption. Once they finish, you can calmly acknowledge their feelings and then take your turn articulating your feelings. This keeps the argument to more of a conversation and prevents the fight from escalating into a screaming match.
TECHNIQUE #6: KNOW HOW TO APOLOGIZE
Once you have both heard each other out, you both owe each other a sincere apology. There is no “tit for tat” or “right or wrong.” It's important that you acknowledge your partner's feelings and offer a sincere apology that addresses their feelings to reduce any bitterness (whether you feel you did something wrong or not). Being open-minded and empathetic is critical to keeping arguments healthy so you can both move on.
We hope these 6 techniques that spouses can use to resolve their conflicts offer you strategies and skills for resolving conflict and also improve your marital quality. If one this is certain, it's that a successful relationship, is not one without marital conflict, but one that requires constant respect, attention, and care. If you've been having communication issues with your husband or wife, consider these techniques to get back on track. Inputting these strategies into place now, you can build a happy marriage with is filled with peace.
If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence and need assistance, call your local hotline or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.