The Best 5 Books to Read If Your Marriage is Struggling

Couples that are working to save their troubled marriage can find any number of resources on how to tackle whatever specific problems they are personally experiencing. In fact, there are so many strategies for a failing marriage that it can be difficult to know where you should start. As San Diego family law experts, we don't specialize in marriage counseling. Thankfully, there are plenty of marriage books available to offer insight, resources, and tactical advice for a healthy marriage.

Whether you're going to counseling together, separately, or not at all, it can be beneficial to explore as many different tools and techniques as possible. After all, you never know what will work for you and your marriage. We've compiled a list of some of the best relationship books for married couples struggling in their relationships and shared some details on what you can expect to find inside each book. We hope this list helps those of you struggling to find new tools and strategies for your marriage and will help create a strong relationship. We encourage you to share this blog post with others who you think it could help!

5 Top Marriage Help Books from Relationship Experts

1. HOLD ME TIGHT: SEVEN CONVERSATIONS FOR A LIFETIME OF LOVE, BY DR. SUE JOHNSON 

This book presents an approach called Emotionally Focused Therapy, which aims to “reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond.” It's structured a bit as a how to guide for working through some heavier, more vulnerable topics that can (and should) arise in marriages. There are practical exercises and case studies throughout the book to help demonstrate ways to open up and connect with your spouse. This book will teach you ways to be emotionally safe and fearless when opening up with one another.

About the author: Dr. Sue Johnson is a recognized leader in the field of clinical psychology. Known for her approach “Emotionally Focused Therapy”, she has spent her career finding ways for couples to better connect and communicate.

2. THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK: A PRACTICAL GUIDE FROM THE COUNTRY'S FOREMOST RELATIONSHIP EXPERT, BY JON GOTTMAN, PH.D. AND NAN SILVER

This book is great for the couple that wants to work through the pitfalls of marriages using a scientific, research-based approach. The tools and techniques that are presented have been extracted from the author's analytical study of couples over a period of years. The insights and advice are laid out in a very straight forward manner. The book aims to teach couples how to better resolve conflict, find common ground, and create higher levels of intimacy. The revised edition includes research-based updates from the Gottman Institute as well as new exercises based on that research.

About the author: Jon M. Gottman, PH.D. claims to be able to “predict divorce with 91% accuracy.” He is able to do so after having dedicated his career to long-term studies of couples. If you respond to this book, feel free to take a look at some of his other work – he has 42 books published on the subject!

3. WIRED FOR LOVE: HOW UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER'S BRAIN AND ATTACHMENT STYLE CAN HELP YOU DEFUSE CONFLICT AND BUILD A SECURE RELATIONSHIP, BY STAN TATKIN, PSYD.

We are all different, and it speaks to reason that what works for some may not work for others. Using principles of neuroscience, this book aims to teach you exactly how we are all “wired” differently, and with that knowledge, help you understand what you need from your spouse and vice versa. The book offers 10 “guiding principles” to make your marriage last, such as learning to fight so nobody loses, morning and evening rituals to keep you connected, and creating a safe “couple bubble.” 

About the author: Stan Tatkin, PsyD is invested in the clinical aspect of relationships. He teaches the use of psychobiological techniques in couples therapy.

4. I LOVE YOU BUT I DON’T TRUST YOU: THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO RESTORING TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP BY MIRA KIRSHENBAUM.

This book is recommended for any couple struggling with trust, whether the struggle comes from infidelity, dishonesty, betrayal, or something from the past. It’s written in a way that helps you to better understand the levels of trust, so that you can identify the stage you’re on and learn how to progress through the stages and fully regain a loving, trusting dynamic within your marriage. 

About the author: Mira Kirshenbaum works Chestnut Hill Institute, known for it’s work in research and psychotherapy. She has written eleven books and also has trained clinicians at many institutions. 

5. THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES: THE SECRET TO LOVE THAT LASTS BY GARY CHAPMAN

No list comprised of the best relationship books for married couples would be complete without The Five Love Languages. With over 11 million copies sold, it is one of the most often recommended books for a failing marriage, and with good reason. To put it simply, the book is designed to teach you how to love each other. Sounds simple enough, but couples often get lost. Not everyone shows their love in the same way, and it can lead to a disconnect between two people that want to give their best but just can't seem to find the right way. The book helps you learn which of the 5 “love languages” you and your spouse speak – words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Knowing exactly what makes you and your partner feel most loved is an excellent tool for saving a marriage.

About the author: Gary Chapman is a doctor and pastor with a long career of mentoring couples. He hosts a radio program “A Love Language Minute,” and holds regular marriage conferences.

Fixing and maintaining a marriage is hard work, but you don't have to get through on your own. These are just five examples of marriage books that can cultivate a healthy relationship, but there are countless others out there that can help. Remember that many couples have been where you are, and they have found successful strategies to rebuild a marriage filled with love, trust, and intimacy. So long as you and your spouse both want to improve your communication and relationship, any one of these books would be worth a try.