Now What? The Best Advice for the Newly Divorced
Going through a divorce can be a daunting experience. You have spent so much time preparing and you finally made it to the end - you signed the divorce papers. So you're divorced now what? Now it's time to start rebuilding your life and figuring out who you really are. You've probably moved, started a new job, began making new friends - changes are happening and it's imperative to embrace them. Here are some important things we recommend you do once your divorce is finalized.
1. Get your documents in order
Get your documents in order. Make copies of all the paperwork from your divorce proceedings and file them in a safe place. Include a copy of your marriage license, the divorce decree, financial documents, will, testament, etc. It is important to keep this information, but we recommend that you file it away in a safe place where you won't see it often and be reminded of your past.
2. Let yourself grieve
Life after divorce will be different. You lost someone that was once a huge part of your life; it is okay to grieve that loss. You have been through a lot and your life has been turned upside down. It is important to remember that this feeling is temporary, but you still need to work through your emotions. Don't try and bury your feelings with other distractions, you need to work through your lingering emotions so they don't continue to cause problems in your new life. This is a huge part of moving on.
3. Find a good therapist
You have been through a lot and you don't have to go through it alone. Therapy will teach you coping skills to help you work towards your new life and it can also help you view your divorce differently. Therapy will provide a safe place for you to get out your thoughts and feelings; a good therapist can also help you feel encouraged during a seemingly negative time in your life. It is so important to find a therapist you match well with to help you navigate life as you figure out your new normal.
4. Update your documents
If you've changed your last name, you have to update a few things such as your driver's license, social security card, and potentially your email address if it has your previous name in it. Get a new bank account, credit cards, life insurance policies, make a new will, and change all your passwords. Update your passport, retirement accounts, insurance, bills, and update your address and contact info in all your accounts. You don't want pieces of your old life popping back up and reminding you about what you've gone through over and over again.
5. Figure out who you are
You've spent so much time in a marriage and chances are your spouse's hobbies became yours. Spend some time journaling to help you understand who you really are. Start thinking about some things you want to do, places you want to see, new experiences you want to try, the music you want to listen to, etc. Now is the perfect time to figure out who you are and what you want. Next, start trying all the things you wrote down.
6. Spend some time with people that make you happy
Invite a friend over for dinner or go out for a night on the town. If you haven't talked to many of your friends in a while, just reach out and say “Hi!” It's time to start reconnecting and rebuilding your support system of friends.
7. Get active
Not only does working out improve your physical health, but it is very important for your mental health as well. Getting regular exercise, such as walking, helps minimize depression and elevates mood. Start scheduling time to get moving and clear your head.
8. Have some fun!
Try new things, change your hairstyle, buy a new outfit, hang out with friends, do things you used to love before you got into a relationship. Practice self-care and do things that make you feel good.
9. Live in the present moment
Don't waste time thinking about things you could have done differently; focus on the present! Life is too short to take everything so seriously - try something new and pick yourself right back up when you make mistakes. If you are stressed out about things you can't control, stop and focus on your surroundings. Use all your senses to help you understand what's going on around you and focus on that. Once you are fully embracing the present, you will notice the stress start to fade and a feeling of peace will take over mind, body, and soul.
10. Forgive
...Both yourself and your ex. Learning to let go is such an important part of the healing process. Holding on to bitterness and regret will only keep you from moving forward. You must learn from your past in order to move forward - don't hold grudges! Show yourself the same compassion that you would show someone else. People make mistakes; dwelling on them won't change what has happened, but instead, it will keep you from looking forward to your future.
Divorce is not easy or fun, but sometimes it is necessary. Moving on after divorce can feel overwhelming, but it is so important to use the tools and resources you have available to you. You are not alone in your feelings and it is crucial to have a solid support system made up of your closest friends and family. This is temporary and life will get easier.
If you have any questions about the divorce process, don’t hesitate to reach out. As Family Law Specialists, we have seen a variety of different cases and are well-versed in family law matters. We would love to talk to you to help you move on easier. Set up your free, private consultation today.