Eight Key Tips for Having a Civil Divorce
OUR GUIDE TO A CIVIL DIVORCE
Deciding to divorce your spouse can be one of the most difficult life decisions you can make. It isn’t something decided lightly, and the process of making the choice to leave your spouse can be painful. Ending your marriage will bring up an influx of emotions for both you and your spouse. When dealing with a lot of emotions, people don’t always make the best decisions. That said, it is possible to have an amicable divorce that ends peacefully, but it takes work. Here are some of our key tips for having a “civil” divorce.
Ditch the Blame.
With some limited exceptions, the decision to divorce should not be about who did what to whom. Sure, there is a lot of temptation to blame each other for the failure of your marriage, but sometimes people’s interests change and you just grow apart. Sometimes you find that you stopped making the time for your marriage and it fell to the wayside. Regardless of what ultimately caused your divorce, don’t play the blame game - it will only cause more animosity and make the process lengthier and more expensive.
Focus on the Big Picture.
If your goal is to move on from your marriage amicably, you do not want to fight over every little thing. Before you start discussions with your spouse, take time to figure out what is most important to you. What do you want, what do you need, and what are your non-negotiables? Remember those things when you are going through the divorce and don’t waste your time or energy fighting over things that don’t (or shouldn’t) really matter to you. Instead of solely focusing on how many things you want to get out of the divorce, try focusing on what you need to do to ensure you are happy in the future.
Be Prepared.
Know what your marital assets are and talk to your spouse (and attorney) about them. Try to work toward reaching agreements regarding the value of your real and personal property so that you can more efficiently divvy up your assets. If you and your spouse do not agree on values or how to go about valuing them (e.g. appraisals etc.), it will take much longer for the courts to “help” you figure those details out. Make sure you have copies of important documents regarding your assets, your finances, property, etc. Here is our California divorce preparation checklist if you need help understanding what to prepare with your attorney before going to court.
Place the Needs of Your Children First.
If you have children, their welfare should be your number one priority, always. Do not ever put your children between you and your spouse. Don’t talk to them about every little detail of the divorce and why you are mad at your spouse. This should appear to be a joint decision to your children; they don’t need to know who is to blame. Make sure every decision you make considers your children’s best interests. Read this blog for tips on how to talk to your children during a divorce.
Don’t Rush Your Spouse.
If you are the one who asked for divorce, you’ve most likely had more time to think about your marriage and come up with your decision. You and your spouse are in different emotional places and rushing your spouse will only keep them from going through their own healing process, which will ultimately slow down the court case. The more impatient you are, the more your spouse might want to slow things down.
Have Realistic Expectations.
Educate yourself on the process of divorce so you know what to expect. Understand that when you split up your assets, you won’t get everything. Going into divorce with realistic expectations will help you and your attorney negotiate the settlement without a long, drawn-out process. Unless you were in an abusive relationship or your spouse is being needlessly underhanded during the divorce process by hiding or concealing assets, the law is not looking to assess blame simply for blame's sake. The court just wants the most relevant facts about the marriage, so it has the necessary information to assess and divide assets and debts.
Be Honest.
One of the most common issues we see in divorce is when one spouse is not honest. Don’t try to hide financial information or important details about your assets. The policy of the State of California in divorce is to have full and complete disclosure of all material facts and information related to assets and debts. Further, these things will come up during the discovery process and it will make you look untrustworthy. By hiding important details, you are only going to make the process take a lot longer and your spouse will be disincentivized to divorce amicably.
Seek Help.
Going through a divorce is life-changing and can be incredibly stressful. Make sure you seek help both from your most trusted friends and family, but also from a professional therapist. A therapist will encourage you to explore your emotions and help you better deal with them. Talking to a professional about what you are going through with no judgment is so important in being able to bring your best to this process.
Divorce is not easy, but it can be amicable. By following these key tips, you will greatly increase the chances of obtaining the best outcome possible. Remember to focus on the big picture and not get caught up in petty arguments that will cause unnecessary delay and expense. Work with a trusted family law attorney that has experience in cases similar to yours, which will allow you to navigate this process in a more efficient manner while protecting your best interests. If you have any questions about the divorce process, give us a call. We are here to help.